Ditch Unwanted Habits
Four-Step Program: Unwanted Habits
Always Set a Target
The importance of choosing a target that suits your own personal needs and that you are able to commit to cannot be over-stated.
Generally it can help to change just one thing at a time and starting with something small can lead on to successful long-term habit change. It is also important to know what it is that you are changing. So, set your target before you start and focus on that one change that you are choosing to make. It may be that you will find other changes happening both as a natural part of choosing a single target and also additional change is likely as you change your internal habit-reward assumptions.
If you struggle to set targets, there is more information and support here:
Setting Targets
Use Self-Care to Empower Your Change
With the 'No Temptation' approach boosted with trancework you have a great tool to get you started on changing your old habits and embedding new intentions. And, you can make your change a lot easier and more successful if you know some of the many self-care methods that are available for your daily self-support.
Here are some of the most common hints, tips, and approaches that have been widely shared to help with changing habits and other behaviours. Pick the ones that work for you and empower your chosen change!
Target 80%
It's worth repeating that knowing what you are going for and why is very important. It is also important that you are clear on what success looks like over time. Depending on the habit that you are changing, it can help to include something like an 80% rule into your target. Your target becomes a commitment to stick to your target for 80% of occasions and to have a reduced commitment for the remaining 20%.
This might be appropriate for such things as changing eating habits, changing behaviours that have particular social significance, changing habits with particular health or welfare or changing habits where you are not intending to quit the habit entirely.
An 80% rule allows you to still enjoy exceptions from time to time without having to review your main target plus it can make it easier to realistically manage your temptations over time.
Record Your Progress
Keep a diary or mark-up a calendar to show your progress. This shows you the progress that you are making and it may show you, over time, where a little more self-support is needed. Acknowledge your progress, recognise and work on your challenges, and celibrate your successes!
Wait 10 Minutes
This is a very simple technique that, in many situations, can work very effectively. When you are feeling a temptation use the "No Temptation!" approach and also decide that whatever happens you are going to just ignore the temptation for 10 minutes (or an hour, or a day). When you do this, making a decision to wait, you may be surprised how often you will notice that you simply forget the temptation and when you do remember it the time that you set for waiting has long passed.
You can repeat and repeat this as long as is neccessary.
Enlist Support
Getting support can be as simple as having someone that you trust to talk to from time to time through to someone that knows you and what you are likely to be experiencing and has the strength and personality to give you 'tough love' if need be.
Remember that for someone to support you appropriately you must ask for what kind of support you want, negotiate with them how the support may play out, and have your supporter positively agree to support you.
Things to think about in any support agreement:
Trust and confidentiality.
What type of support do you want?
What type of support do you not want?
What are the time limits?
How will you arrange the support; on-demand? pre-planned? face-to-face?
How long will the agreement last?
Distraction Works
Distraction can be a powerful way to redirect temptation. Find something to occupy your time that is active and keeps your mind and attention busy. You could think about taking up a hobby, engaging in exercise or sport, reading, studying, joining a local activity group, volunteering, and so on.
Think carefully before becoming too distracted. The prime benefit of distraction is to cover the period when you are changing your old habit.
Substitution
There are many possibilities for substitution; finding something that you can do that will act as a stand-in for the thing that you are managing.
Substitute substances and behaviours can act as a distraction but also offer the potential to give a specific experience that helps you to change your habit. Examples include zero-alcohol drinks for drinkers, low-sugar/salt/gluten foods for cravings, vaping tubes (preferably non-nicotine) for quiting smoking, and low calorie foods in diets. Some of these are discussed in the Four-Step Program main page 'Additional' section.
However, not all substitutions are beneficial. Swapping one bad habit for another is an obvious pitfall, as is over-indulgence in any form of distraction.
Rituals and Treats
Treats can, rightfully, get a bad press. Indeed, treats can turn into bad habits when we over-indulge. However, healthy treats can also be used as something to look forward to and as a trigger to our own inner reward-system.
Our ingrained habits are often linked to associations that we have built up that trigger our internal reward system. We continue with our bad habits partly because we anticipate a reward at the end of the day, after we finish work, on certain days, or in certain circumstances. We can use this to our advantage by adopting alternatives that are safe and self-supporting and that mark our transitions from one activity to another.
We can look forward to a shower, playing music, a short meditation or contemplation time, a breathing ritual in a favourite place, a 10-minute contact with friends, silence as we light a candle or think of someone we love, or it might be a time to catch up with the news, a walk, smelling a flower in bloom. Treats do not need to be things that you eat, drink, or otherwise consume. They can be events, experiences, time to yourself, hobbies, passtimes, holidays, personal connections, celebrations, and so on. Treats don't even need to be something that you particularly want or enjoy.
Whatever it is, when we use it as something that we look forward to as part of our new habit then it will help to 'rewire' our internal reward system. To make something into a treat you can select the 'something', make a plan for it, and then remind yourself on a reasonably regular basis that you have this 'something' to look forward to. The treat should be something that is special, in the sense that it is not always available to you, and that you can prepare for. Build anticipation as you approach the time that you have identified as your own particular treat.
Remember, never use the object of your habit change as a treat, that would undermine your efforts to change and will probably mean that it will take longer for your own chosen change to be achieved.
Change Your Situation
A change in situation, literally by going somewhere else or by changing what you are doing, will act as a distraction but it will also change the learned responses of your Preconscious Mind. Habits can be linked strongly to a place or social situation and so changing where you are, who you are with, or what you are doing will change the triggers that lead to temptation.
Deepen Your Intention
You may find it beneficial to deepen the basic "No Temptation!" communication to the preconscious, and there are several ways to do this that you can consider.
The Automatic Mind can be reached through imagining through your senses. Visualising your "No Temptation!" message could, for example, include an image or sequence of your old habit being burned in a furnace or emptied out into a sink. Or you might imagine the object of your temptation (as suggested by your Automatic Mind) associated with a strange smell and rejected by you by pushing it away.
Or, you might add your own personal extra sentence to the "No Temptation!" message. For example: "No Temptation, and it's not true that I'm going to give in!" Or: "No Temptation, not today, not tomorrow, not any day!" Or: "No Temptation. I'm not going to today, I'll consider again tomorrow." Or: "No Temptation - Just Take It Away!"
However you deepen the basic message, keep it simple, keep it powerful, and stay in charge (don't get into conversation).
Drink Water
Part of your temptation to continue with old habits may be a genuine message that you are hungry/thirsty or it may be that you want some comfort. If appropriate, you can drink a large glass of water. This will help to temporarily satisfy your hunger/thirst as it fills your stomach for a while. It can also be made part of your new behaviour if included in a healthy way.
Expect to be Challenged
Remind yourself that this change is bound to include challenging days and that every time that you stick to your intention will, despite the challenges, pay-off by making it much easier in following days. Each time that you successfully fight back against temptation your Preconscious Mind is taught a litle more about how to support your new behaviour choices.
Expect Bad Days as Well
It is also a universal aspect of being human that we experience 'good' days and 'bad' days as well. No matter how we define 'good' and 'bad', we will have times and days where we will be feeling unwell, experiencing confusion and emotional distress, or just feeling tired, drained, and numb. We might have conscious and unconscious demands to feel wonderful and be the best that we can be at all times, but these are just wishes and fantasies. We can all expect to all have our own versions of ups and downs. Celebrate the 'ups' and learn from the 'downs' by doing your personal-development work.
Acknowledge Yourself Frequently
Acknowledge yourself when you get through a period of temptation and remind yourself of your final intention. You can also choose to acknowledge yourself and your achievements to another person, to make the self-acknowledgement even more powerful.
There will be times when your plans don't manifest in the way that you imagined. Forgive yourself when this happens and choose to learn from these times and then acknowledge yourself when you do learn.
Build Determination
Determination and purpose can be strengthened in a number of ways. One of the simplest is to make a choice that you believe in and use the power of your conscious logical mind to carry that choice through. This type of determination is not something that comes out of feeling though it may well gather meaning over time. This type of determination is short lived, in that you have to keep remembering and paying attention with your conscious mind for determination to have the power to overcome the urgings of your Cultural and Automatic Minds.
Just as physical excercise builds strength and stamina in your muscles over time, determination can be built up through successful repetition.
Keep Your Word
If you don't keep you word to yourself then you are less likely to achieve what you want. The purpose of firmly saying "No Temptation!" to your own Preconscious Mind is not just to give your Preconscious Mind a message in a very simple format, it is also an expression of your word. You don't have to feel like saying "No Temptation!" when you do it, in fact if your temptation is running then it will take resolve for you to do so. By saying "No Temptation!" in a determined way you are choosing to stay in your own integrity. You are keeping your word and you will grow stronger in many ways when you take a stand to do that.
Combine All/Several Of The Above
Find what works for you and apply it. Trial and error may be neccessary, so be prepared to be imaginative and self-forgiving.